I will have asked it to

It’s 2 am, and I’m excited to go home, and for the first time in my life I mean my city, the one that I learned like a child tracing her mothers hand

I carved the streets into the mental map of my mind  like a finger through damp sand

I am longing for a place that for once is mine before it was my fathers, given to me by me

Even if it ruins me, even if it creates dust in my once learned stone, the rubble will be mine to add water and make myself into clay

Even if it bleeds me dry, I will have asked it to