Wonder

how long my poems will have you dripping from them

when the being will be less lonely

I wonder what could have been different,

you less cruel, me more anything

if you noticed, my detachment from myself, if you cared to ask me where I went

when I’ll know the difference between obsession and love, between compulsion and free will

I wonder what could have been different

when my chest will feel less heavy with the weight of the absence of you

how missing you feels like missing me

how long I will live in shame of wishing wishing wishing

what my grief will teach me

when the sun sets on this lifetime

how long I will be wondering

if I will ever again feel the defiant joy of sixteen

if my anger will know the shape of me better than you could

I wonder what could have been