Self Prescribed Fate

We think that judgment keeps us away,

that it keeps us safe, keeps us unscathed

but what we see in others we hold within ourselves,

whatever causes you fear-

never search for it while looking in the mirror

there you will find it lurking between teeth,

in the shadow of the iris,

in the cavity of your cheek

maybe in the rumbling of what you’ve grown to hate

you will finally untie the knot in your stomach,

then you will regain the empathy that was so violently taken from you

I wonder if in the untying I will finally make room for the love to come in,

I wonder if in my own self preservation I deprived my self of all that was needed,

I sterilized it all out, cutting cord from sack, closing off the tab

Even in moments when I think I am unknown how could I be when my bones are living stone?

How could the illusion of disconnect keep me from the birthright of this home?

I wonder if I did it to myself, out of fear or self loathing,

I wonder how injustice turned inward started calling itself shame?

I wonder when my words will hold meaning,

will be clever again, now they’re just words on a page

Even in that, written so instinctively I find my judgement

my lack of acceptance of the air around me

I hold my breath and wonder why I feel faint

and peel back my skin and scratch in order to stop my self prescribed fate