Vertigo

I’m experiencing a vertigo of the soul,

my being is sliding piano scales from top to bottom,

I don’t know what to make of you,

or me

or any of this,

I don’t know how to feel it

I wonder if my mother more tender my father more there

would make this loving easier,

I looked to

the stars

and they stared back

with a pitiful judgment in their eyes,

they cannot help in this undoing of years of loop,

that work must be done on my own,

with earth and sweat,

I wonder if

I hold onto my rage

because it is the only thing keeping me upright,

the pendulum swinging so quickly, my mad-ness the only thing able to catch my

fall